Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
