why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
