Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
