She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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