I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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