Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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