He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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