You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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