I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Someone signed my nipple.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
