I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
