She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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