I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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