i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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