i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
