I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
