just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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