My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
