Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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