your room smells of hookers.
And success
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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