Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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