If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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