my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
