Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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