You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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