It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
