went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
