WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
