I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
