i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
