on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
