And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
