I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
