If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
