I think im going to throw up on grandma
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
