we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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