we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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