He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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