Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
