He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
