Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
