apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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