i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize