there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
