i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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