im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.