could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow