Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream