I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.