You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.