Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

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(479): She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction. http://tfl.nu/io12

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(205): View more from Alabama

Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail

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(205): Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail http://tfl.nu/2rgt

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(336): View more from North Carolina

haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

(919): View more from North Carolina

i cant lie to you.

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(336): haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal? (919): i cant lie to you. http://tfl.nu/vpro

Replies (56) Good night (683) Bad night (2852)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together

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(651): Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together http://tfl.nu/hjtb

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(678): View more from Georgia

so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

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(678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b

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(410): View more from Maryland

He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

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(410): He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college. http://tfl.nu/mdh1

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(510): View more from California

And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

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(510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.

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(508): VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING. http://tfl.nu/vx02

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.

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(910): He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment. http://tfl.nu/t1og

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times

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(330): I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times http://tfl.nu/rqlm

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(260): View more from Indiana

just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.

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(260): just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead. http://tfl.nu/smv5

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(949): View more from California

You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"

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(949): You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this" http://tfl.nu/ckz0

Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (1768)
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(940): View more from Texas

She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.

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(940): She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/jiew

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(310): View more from California

The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear

(310): View more from California

We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.

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(310): The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear (310): We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics. http://tfl.nu/35z2

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.

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(416): I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home. http://tfl.nu/62h6

Replies (5) Good night (550) Bad night (249)

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