our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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