don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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