what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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