I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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