they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
