Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
