That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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