I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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