Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
