you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
