we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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