Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
